Luann and the Runaway Boyfriend
by beb
Summary: When Quill says he has to return to Australia and doesn't want Luann to come to the airport she suspects he's hiding something? And organizes a road trip with Bernice, Gunther, Knute, Tiffany and Crystal to hunt Quill down and get the real story. Will the fireworks start before or after they find the runaway Australian?
1. Chapter 1

Luann DeGroot and the Runaway Boyfriend

Luann was standing before the mirror in her bedroom holding up different shirts to see how they'd look. There was already a sizeable pile on her pile of rejected tops. Some were too plain, some had hideous color combinations, too many were the baggy, over-sized tops she tended to wear. She had a date with Quill today and miracle of miracles, her father was at work, her brother on duty at the firestation and her mother was away with a long list of shopping. If she played her cards right she might actually become... a woman!

But first to find the right clothes!

She's already spent an hour choosing just the right underwear. Not the gaudy little number she's picked up once when, on a dare, she and Bernice and snuck into a sex shop. That was way too whorey. And most of the rest of her bras and panties were plain, ordinary white. Stuff that screamed 17-year old virgin. Finally she had found something that seemed just right. A matching set of a peach color with some slightly darker beige lace trim. It matched her complexion and seemed to whisper, 'hey,look at me,' without quite shouting it.

Not that she expected Quill to see her underwear but a girl has to be prepared for all eventuallities.

She was pulling out clothes from a dresser drawer she almosr never went into when she saw it. It was perfect. A black T-shirt she'd bought back in Junior High. AShe'd put it away because it was a little tight but had not given it to Goodwill because - black. Black was the new black. She pulled it on, smoothed out and fabric and checked herself in the mirror. It fit her like a glove, making her boobs looks large and mysterious. Not that she expected Quill, ever the gentleman, to go grabbing after her boobs. But a girl has to be prepared.

Luann started carrying all the other shirts back to her closet, to be duped in a heap and the door closed when she realized she wasn't wearing any pants. That would certainly get a raise out of Quill showing up at the door in her panties. But he had come over to record a song - and only that! Better find some shorts.

She quickly located a pair of old gym shorts, soft, grey to contrast with the shirt and with wide, loose legs in case. Luann suppressed the thought.

She was about to address make-up when the doorbell chimed. He'd have to see her the way she was. Which, considering her last attempt at make-up had left her looking like something out of the Rocky Horror Picture Show, was just as well,

Luann ran downstairs and pulled the door open just as Quill was about to ring the bell again. There he was, tall, with a large confuident head, very blond hair with a slight curl to it and the usualy quiet smile. He was wearing a plain shirt and blue jeans. Luann resisted the urge to throw herself into his arms and wrap her legs around his waist, and invited him in.

"My folks are gone so we won't have any interruptions," she explained as she lead him upstairs and into her bedroom. Even though there was no one else in the house, she closed the door.

She picked up the pile of her scrapbooks from her desk and flopped down on her bed. "So what kind of a song were you thinking about today,"

"I've made this melody running through me head that sort of sounds all summery." He got out his guitar, sat on the corner of her bed and played a few chords. "You got something all summery in your books?"

Luann flipped through her scrap book. She tended to write a lot of poems in December but most of those were about how depressing the christmas season was without a boyfriend.

Spring was even more depressing.

She remembered some poems she's written a couple years ago at camp. It had rained the first couple days so when it had finally cleared off she was beside herwelf with joy. She found the pages and started re-reading her words, humming Quill melody as she did so.

Quill laid his guitar aside and laid on the bed beside her, turing the scrapbook so her could read along with her. Fortunately after years of practising writing 'Luann and Aaron Hill" her handwriting was immaculate.

Casually he took her hand in his.

"This is good," she squeaked, then tried to deepen her voice. "It's got the right scansation and talks a lot about summer." Luren Bacall she wasn't.

"I like it," he said, looking into her eyes. Then he leaned forward. Luann closed her eyes and pursed her lips. "At last!"

Then Quill's phone rang. He rolled away and pulled it out of his pocket. "I've got to take this," he sighed. "It's Dad."

"I told you I'm busy today," he said into the cell. "Can't it wait?"

He was holding the cellphone tight to his ear so Luann couldn't hear what the caller was saying but Quill was nodding his head. "Oh? he grunted in surprise. "Oh," more in disappointment. "Oh," in flat tone of acceotance. "Ok, I'll be there."

He put away his phone, picked up his guitar and started putting it back in its case. "I'm sorry, Luann. That was Dad. His business here in the states is finished and he's got to get back to Australia right away. I've got to go home and pack. I wish we could have worked more on that song..."

Luann got up and straightened up her clothes. Her inner child was screaming 'don't you dare go off and leave me like this' but as an almost-woman, a junior in high school she tried to project a more mature, understanding attitide. "So soon? I thought you'd stay at least through the end of the school year."

"Sorry,Yank, Dad's business kind of trumps all that."

"Tell me when your flight is, I'll be there to wave you good-bye."

"Don't bother. The flight leaves in the middle of the night. I hate mess good-byes and anyway I'd hate to rob you of your beauty sleep." he chucked her under the chin like that was supposed to mean anything.

He paused on the threshold of the outside door. "We've had a good run, mate," he said and gave her a surprisingly chaste kiss for a kiss good-bye. "You mind to find a place in your poem to put in a line about 'lips as sweet as wine,' that is so you."

He turned and walked away. Luann stood in the doorway watching him go. He never turned around to look back.

When he was out of sight Luann finally closed the door, incipient tears building in her eyes. "Wait a minute!" she suddenly exclaimed. "'Lips as sweet as wine'? That from an old love song. Why would Quill tell me to put a line from a old love song in my poem?"

Dry eyed and stoney faced she raced back up upstairs to her room, shut off the web-cam that had been recording what was supposed to be a very personal moment in her life, and googled airline departures to Australia. The only ones that came up were all for early afternoon. There were no middle of the night flights. "W. T. F." she growled. Quill had lied to her. Why would he do that?

][


	2. Chapter 2

"I don't get it, Bernice," Luann said for the dozenth time. "How could he do this to me?" She was stalking around her bedroom dressed only in her pink underwear. "Don't want me to see him off at the airport? 'We already had the perfect good-bye'? It doesn't make any sense.

Bernice, a slender, bespectacled girl with a knot of frizzy hair, sat on the floor, leaning against Luann's bed. She was used to her friends tirades. Luann had called her, distraught, as soon as Quill had left. When Luann became unintelligible halfway through explaining what had happened Bernice simply said, "I'll be right over." She had been surprised to be greeted at the door by Luann in her underwear, but glad she had thought to bring along the graphic novel she had been reading. It was going to be a long afternoon.

Luann stalked across her bedroom, picked up a black T-shirt from the floor and started to fold it. She paused, looked at the shirt and suddenly bunched it up on her fists and tore at it, as if she had her hands around someone's neck. With a growl she threw it across the room.

"I take it this is about Quill?" she asked.

"He's going home."

"Home-home or Australia?"

"Australia."

"Bummer."

Bernice waited for Luann to expand on her problem. When her friend didn't she opened the graphic novel she'd brought along and read a page. She was reading "The Clockwork Princess on Mars," a steampunk tale about a poor robot girl who was fated to become empress of the Universe. "Lucky bastard" Bernice had grumbled the time she'd read the prophecy in the first volume. Bernice didn't believe in luck, except the bad kind. The series was horrible illogical. Robots are sexless so why is there a "girl" robot in the first place, why was she running around in a pinafore like Judy Garland in The Wizard of Oz, only with bigger breasts. What does a robot need breasts for? Princess Tik-tok even had a boyfriend, a human boy who liked to tinker. Still Bernice was addicted to the series.

She came to the end of a chapter and looked up to see Luann still pacing. "Could you at least put some clothes on?" she asked. Luann grunted and grabbed a T-shirt from her dresser and a pant of shorts from off the floor. "Happy?" she snapped as she flopped on the bed and groaned.

Bernice considered started the next chapter of the novel but decided she'd never the story out of her friend unless she pried.

"You know Quill was going back to Australia sometime all along."

"Yeah. So?"

"So, why are you so upset that he's doing what you knew all along he was going to do?"

"It was just the way it happened.

Bernice waited patiently.

"We were laying on the bed starting to make out when his phone rang."

"Did he touch your booby?"

"Almost. He had his hand under my shirt."

"Had he ever touched your booby?"

"No!" Luann protested.

"Are you upset because he's going back to Australia or because you're sixteen and never been groped?"

"I'm seventeen!"

"Whatever."

"Does it have to be one of the other?" Luann asked with a sigh. "Here' the deal. He said he didn't want me coming out to the airport to say good-bye because his flight was leaving in the middle of the night. Only I looked - there are no flights leaving here for Australia in the middle of the night. Then I got to thinking. His father calls in the middle of the day to say that his work here in the States is done and they're going home. Immediately. But..." Luann rolled over and leaned over the bed just over Bernice's shoulder. "Wouldn't Quill's father have known when he work was about finished and told his family before this? And what's the rush? Wouldn't they need a few days to settle their accounts here? Or to pack? Seriously, Bernice, once I started thinking about it, none of it makes sense."

"Do you usually do most of your thinking in your underwear?"

"I just... got so mad when I realize that Quill had lied me that I couldn't bear the touch of the clothes I'd been wearing. I was ready to give him my all. I dressed especially for the occasion and ... he lied to me." Luann broke down into sobs.

Bernice stood up and got a box of tissues from Luann' desk and silently handed it to her.

"I'm sure he has an innocent explanation," Bernice said as she sat back down on the floor.

"Like what?"

"I don't know. Just go ask him."

"Ask him?"

"Sure, go to his house and demand to know what's going on."

"I've never been to his house."

"Never?" Bernice thought for a moment. "Neither have I. You know, I can't think of anyone who has ever visited Quill at home."

"You're right." Luann propped up her arms under her chin. "I don't recall anyone ever going to Quill's house. I wonder why that is?"

"Go see him." Bernice said, opening up her book again.

"But..." Luann sighed, "I don't have a car."

"Do what I do, take the bus."

][

Finding Quill's address was not so easy. Luann called all her friends and not one of them knew where Quill lived. She even called Tiffany Farrell, decidedly not a friend. Tiff seemed genuinely shocked that Quill was leaving for Australia and wanted to see him off at the airport as well, but didn't know where he lived. If anyone could wheedle an address out of Quill it would have been Tiffany. She'd do anything to embarrass Luann, including throwing herself at Quill.

With a groan Luann threw herself back on her bed. Bernice quietly finished another chapter of The Clockwork Princess on Mars.

Her phone rang and Luann swept it up with an excited "Quill?"

"Sorry, Lu, it's Delta." Delta was Luann's other closest girlfriend, a tall, elegant black woman, singularly focused on a life in public service. "I had a thought. There's this guy in my computer class, Wyatt Frayn,, who is always boasting about how he can break into any computer system. He's offered to change any grade scores for me."

"But you get straight 'As'."

"I think that's his way of asking me out. As if." Unlike Bernice who never got any attention from boys, Delta's good looks brought an endless stream of boys, both black and white, who wanted to date her. She turned them all down, saying that she didn't have time for romance. As a cancer survivor this was, perhaps, true. But it always struck Luann as ironic that the one girl who had no trouble meeting boys was the one girl who didn't want to meet boys.

"Anyway," Delta continued, "The one place where Quill home address would be, would be in the school admissions records. I don't know whether Wyatt can actually break into the school's computer but it wouldn't hurt to ask him." Delta read off Wyatt's phone number and hung up.

Wyatt may have been a nerd but he wasn't an idiot. He insisted on taking Luann to lunch the next day and a walk through the zoo in exchange for digging up Quill's address.

"Man, I feel so dirty," Luann said afterwards. She had actually negotiated down from dinner and a movie to get Quill's address.

A half hour later Wyatt called back with the address. It was some ways away from the school, almost in another school district. As Bernice lead her to the bus stop Luann reflected that if Quill were trying to hide something from his classmates the sub-division he lived in did a pretty good job.

][

The Mount Hope sub-division offered neither a mound or much hope. It had been built a couple generations before. The houses were all small ranches, somewhat worn with age. Most were in need of a fresh paint job, or a lawn mowing. For Sale signs dotted the street. Quill's house was situated at the end of a cul-de-sac. The curtains were closed. There was no car in the driveway and the grass didn't look like it had been cut any time recently.

Luann marched up to the front door and knocked.

When no one answered she knocked again, harder and longer. Bernice waited on the sidewalk below the porch, fretting. She could imagine that silent eyes peered out at her from every window on the block.

After pounding a third time, Luann tried to peer in through the window set in the door, but it was too dark inside for her to see anything.

"Let's try around in back." she say and hopped off the porch and took the drive past the house into the space between the garage and the back door. She began knocking on the door there.

"Obviously no body's home," Bernice said, following her friend around to the back. "You tried your best. Let's go home."

"Not till I've had it out with Quill!" Luann snapped. She stepped off the back porch and began trying the windows. "Hey, this one's open!"

"What are you doing?" Bernice demanded. "That's breaking and entering. If we get caught we'll go to prison!"

"We're not going to get caught. Besides, Quill might be lying in there, injured and needing our help. We have to go in to be sure."

Bernice looked to the heavens for support. "I won't help." she said.

"But you gotta, you're the only one small enough to go through the window."

"This is going to end badly," Bernice insisted as she put her foot in Luann's hands and got boosted up to the window. It was over the kitchen sink, which was filled with dirty dishes. Bernice was about to complain some more when she felt Luann's hands on her butt, giving a mighty heave. With a cry of alarm Bernice was through the window and piled up on the floor beyond the sink.

"You OK in there?" Luann asked.

"I'm going to kill you!"

"Open the door. Let's get this over with."

][

The first thing Bernice said as Luann came in through the door was, "this place smells like the boy's locker room." Luann paused in mid-step, wondering when and how her friend had ever been in the boys locker room. The smell, though was pungently obvious. To Luann it smelled more of old cigarettes, stale beer and her brother's armpit. When younger Brad would torment her by sticking her under his arm while giving her an "Indian burn."

She called out Quill's name a couple of times and sighed disappointedly when there was no answer. They looked around the kitchen. From the condition of the dishes in the sink most had been there a couple days. The overhead cabinets held clean dishes a couple boxes of cereal and and not much else. The refrigerator - Luann always figured you could tell what kind of a person lived there by what they had in the fridge - was empty but for some boxes of Chinese take-out. Beside it was a waste-basket of empty beer cans. Which accounted for that part of the smell in the place. A scrap of paper lying half-way under the refrigerator caught her eye. She picked it up. It was a postcard from Yosemite National Park. It had a lovely view of a meadow with high mountains in the background, a river ran through the bottom of the picture and bison grazed on the high grass. Over the photo was printed 'Hello from Yolanda's Jackelope Inn. Scenic Yosemite.' On the other side was a note in Quill's handwriting addressed to someone named Frankie-boy: "Why can't you ever find a suitable bimbo around here. I love the scenery. It's wonderful. Pittsville, what kind of place can that be? See you next week." The card was addressed to a Frank Herrad. The address was this houses'.

A wide archway lead into a living-room on the left and a hallway on the right. The living-room was furnished with a sofa, some armchairs, a coffee table and a large screen TV. The TV was turned sideways as if someone had pulled a lot of cables in a hurray. On the coffee table were scattered some newspapers and magazines. "Variety." Bernice held up the newspaper. "Someone is jonesing about Hollyweird."

A utility closet and bathroom were next to each other in the hall. The closet contained a washer and drying, hot water heater and furnace. Shelves on the other wall held towels and cleaning supplies. From the condition of the bathroom the cleaning supplies had never been used. Damp towels were hung over the shower curtain indicating that someone had washed up that day, so the house had been inhabited within the last few hours. "Eww!" Bernice said at the sight of some porno mags on the floor next to the toilet. She was about to pick one up when Luann stopped her. "You don't know where they've been," she warned. Luann gritted her teeth at the sight of them. Her brother had a couple porno mags hidden in his bedroom, a Playboy, Maxim compared to the ones in Quill's house those were PG rated magazines. It made her a little sick to think that Quill might have been exposed to magazines like that. It also disturbed her that the magazines were laying out in plain sight. What kind of mother would allow something like that? What kind of father, for that matter? What bothered Luann was that this house was beginning to resemble some kind of a frat house than the home of a research chemist and his son.

There were two bedrooms. The first was rather small, with two twin-size beds pushed against opposite walls. The bed linens lay in a twisted pile but the closet was empty. Dust Bunnies under the bed confirmed that lack of any kind of housekeeping. There was an abandoned sock and a pair of men's underpants under one bed. Luann almost reached for the pants, thinking they might be Quill's, then realized how creepy keeping a pair of Quill's underpants would seem. The other bedroom was slightly larger, but also had two twin beds pushed against opposite walls.

"Didn't Quill say his mother came with them?" Luann asked.

"I don't think he ever mentioned a mother," Bernice told her.

"Two beds? What kind of married couple sleep in separate beds?" Luann asked.

""My parents sleep in separate beds!" Bernice answered defensively. "My father works odd shifts so he has his own bed so he won't disturb mom when he gets up."

"There's that. It certainly doesn't look like a mother was ever here, though." Luann said. She looked under the beds and pulled out a photograph. She took a look at it and cried out "That bastard!" and started crying.

Bernice took the photo out of her hand and looked at it. There was Quill, blond, casually handsome arm in arm with a pretty brunette. Written in marker under the faces was, "with love forever, Elizabeth." Raising over their heads in the background was the Seattle Space Needle. Bernice put it in a pants pocket. "Come on, let's go," she told her friend and lead her friend back to the living-room.

Luann was wiping away her tears when a plopping sound caught her attention. Looking around she saw mail being shoved through a slot in the door. She'd never seen a door with a mail slot before but recognized what it was from old movies. She went over to pick up the mail. Most was junk. Advertisements for "Resident" or occasionally Frank Sherrad. One enveloped addressed to Sherrad was from the phone company. The monthly bill. Luann looked at this blankly for a minute, then stuck the envelope into her pants pocket.

"You can't do that," Bernice protested. That stealing. Government mail. That makes it a Federal offense!"

"Look, this place has been abandoned. Whoever lived here has fled. No one's coming back to pay the bills. It'll be curious to see who Quill has been calling the last month."

"I don't like it," Bernice opined. "Let's get out of here before the neighbors call the police and we get arrested." She headed towards the back door. Luann took a final glance around the house and followed her out.

][

"Let me see it," Delta demanded. Luann had called Delta over for a conference while she and Bernice were riding the bus back from Quill's house. Everyone knew that Bernice was the smart one. Ask her any question about science or math and she'd know the answer. Delta was smart in her way: logical, analytical, careful when it came to parsing someone comment. She was headed to Law School and clearly was going to do well there. Luann handed her the postcard. Delta looked at the photograph printed on the other side, turned it over and read the message. Then squinted at the postmark. "June of last year. Well, we know where he was a year ago. Odd that he never mentioned seeing Yosemite. Visiting a National Park ought ot be worth a story or two."

"He never really said much about life in Australia, either," Luann added. Bernice had slummed down in her usual spot on the floor next to Luann's bed. She'd pulled out the graphical novel and started on another chapter. The Clockwork Princess was lost in some sewers and was running out of coal for her steam engine power source... Bernice could listen to Luann and Delta talk and read at the same time. She was good at multi-tasking.

With a quizzical last look Delta laid the postcard down beside her."So what else did you find there?"

"This photograph. It was under one of the beds."

Delta took it and studied it critically.

"He never loved me!" Luann started crying again.

"There's a datestamp on the photo. It's from three years ago. Just because it says 'love forever doesn't mean it'll last forever."

"Really?" Luann sniffed, found the tissues and wiped her eyes.

"But what was he doing in Seattle three years ago when he was supposed to have just come over from Australia?" Bernice asked. "Lu, give her the phone bill."

Luann handed the opened envelope to Delta.

"There's a lot of calls to the same place. I don't recognize the area code, though. And the place looked like a Frat House?"

Luann nodded.

"It sure sounds like Quill was living some kind of double-life. I wonder what his game was?"

Luann threw her damp tissue in the general direction of the wastebasket. She shook herself like a dog shaking off water and clenched her hands into tight fists. "So help me," she swore, "If I ever get me hands on that bastard I am going to tear his head off and stuff it up is ass. I am going to cut him a new one and kick him so hard that his mother gets a black eye! I'm..."

"You'll never see him again," Bernice reminded her.

"I'll track him down like the dog he is!"

"How?"

"Road trip!"


	3. Chapter 3

Bernice turned and looked at Luann over the tops of a her glasses, a habit she picked up from her father when he was trying to look stern. "You want to get in a car and chase all over the United Stated in hopes of finding Quill somewhere so you can kick his butt? You don't even own a car."

"Your brother has a car," Delta reminded her. "I'm sure in the cause of true love he would lend it to you for a couple weeks."

"Are you kidding?" Luann said. "Brad doesn't let me take his car to the mall. Two weeks on the road - no way!" She thought for a moment. "Besides I'm not sure I would want to borrow it. I mean, Brad's always working on his car, you know, fixing this or that or maybe adding some accessary. That's because his car is always breaking down. I don't think a month goes by when he doesn't have to have it towed home. I don't think I want to go chasing after Quill in a car where I might get stuck in the middle of Kansas."

"Don't look at me," Bernice offered without looking up from her graphic novel. "I don't have a car. My parents don't trust me to drive their car and it's not like they could afford to let me have it for a couple of weeks."

"We could rent a car!" Delta suggested.

"We? You want to come along?" Luann asked.

"Why not? School's out for the summer. There's no pre-law classes at the community college I haven't already taken. So I'm open for a couple weeks seeing the country. Besides how could I let you go by yourself. You need someone to look out after you." Delta was always joking about Luann needing a babysitter to keep her from making an idiot of herself. It was Delta's way to going along with one of Luann's harebrain schemes without appearing to be as illogical as Luann. Delta treasured her reputation as a sober and thoughtful person. But sober and thoughtful people don't have a lot of fun. Life without Luann would be boring.

"We can't rent a car," Bernice sighed. "We're not eighteen. You have to be eighteen to sign a contract like that. Also none of us has car insurance and rental companies always need that." She turned back to her graphic novel. Tinker Randolph has just found the stone cold Princess Tik-Tok and was building a fire in her boiler, which was mounted just under her ample breasts. That seemed awfully invasive for a chaste girl robot and her gentlemanly boyfriend.

"Who else do we know who has a car?" Luann asked. They went down a list of increasingly remote friends, classmates and vague acquaintances.

"Why not just tell your parents why you need a car and have them rent it for you?" Bernice suggested at the end of the chapter.

"And tell them Lu was making out with Quill. Or trying to?" Delta raised the objection. "Besides one of them would insist on going along. What good is an ass-kicking when your mom is along?"

"Worse, if Dad's along. He's try to pop Quill first and that would end badly." Luann finished.

Delta found Luann's yearbook on her desk and started thumbing through the pictures. "No. No. No." she murmured as she ran her fingers along the pictures of their classmates. Luann threw herself back on her bed and sighed. Bernice groaned and turned another page. Her hand paused over the page as a thought struck her. "Uh-uh." she shook her head. Tried to forget her idea but realized it was the only answer.

"I know someone with a car."

"Who?" Luann demanded, bouncing up again.

"You won't like it."

"I don't care who it is, if they have a car they will be my new bestest friend."

"Tiffany."

"No way!" Luann objected. "I'd rather die first! Since when does she have a car?"

"It was the first place prize for the Miss Chamber of Commerce beauty pageant Tiffany won, back when she was calling herself Sheraton St. Louis."

"But she was too young to win that prize," Luann said. "It was in all the papers."

"No, she did get it," Delta interrupted. "I remember reading about it. Her father threatened to sue the pageant committee because, he argued, that the committee had not announced the restrictions in advance of the registration. He had so much irrefutable evidence that the committee decided to give Tiff the car anyway because it was the cheaper of the alternatives."

"I don't remember reading any of that," Luann said. "Where did you hear that?"

"Court records. I was reading the records at the time to get some idea of how one writes legal opinions. So, yeah, Tiffany has a car."

"No way! I won't ask her. I will not beg for anything from that girl!" Luann said vehemently. "Because she would never help me anyway!"

"Of course she will, and you won't even have to beg." Delta said, a smile flirting about her lips.

"How?" Luann asked.

"Because you've got something Tiffany would definitely want."

"Three things actually," Bernice said from the floor."

"Three things! What?"

Delta held up the postcard. "You know where he was a year ago." She held up the photograph. "You know where he was three years ago." Finally she help up the phone bill. "And you know who he was talking to last month. Between these three items we ought to be able to track Quill down."

"And since Tiffany will do anything to steal Quill away from Lu she will be as eager to find Quill as Luann is." Bernice finished Delta's explanation.

"Why do I get the feeling that this is all going to end badly?" Luann wondered.

][

While Luann never had to beg to get Tiffany to let them use her car, it took half a week for Tiffany to come around and accept that if she ever wanted to see Quill again she would have to let Luann lead an expedition to find him. Tiffany insisted that Crystal come along so she would have someone to talk to, since it would kill her to talk to her worst enemy. Luann in turn insisted that Bernice come along as well. Neither Crystal or Bernice wanted to accompany the two girls but both found it hard to say 'no' when Luann or Tiffany had some mad scheme in mind. At first Delta had been excited about going on the trip. Since her bout with cancer Delta had a deep aversion to "frivolous" activities. Life was short in her mind and really should be devote to important and serious matters. Running across the country in what would likely be a futile effort to find Quill slowly came to her to be frivolous in the extreme.

So she suggested that they ask Gunther to come along in her place. Gunther was a shy, nebbish boy in their class who at one time or another had had a crush on Luann. For her part, Luann had no interested in the curly headed boy whose only known talents were sewing and dress designing. Gunther was embarrassed by everything, stuttered in the presence of any cute girls except Luann. But as a boy he could lift heavy objects, Delta noted, as well as provide the group of girls with some cover of masculine protection. This evoked peels of laughter from the others. Anyone who knew Gunther knew that he wasn't a threat to anybody.

"He doesn't have to be an alpha male, Delta argued when their laughter slowed down. "The point is that with him with us men are going to second guess any plans to hit on us. It's like those police cars where they stick a manikin inside and park it on the roadside. No body knows if there's a real cop inside but decide it is better to treat it as if a cop was inside."

"_I," _Tiffany announced, "am not afraid of being hit on be some guy. I like the attention."

"I'm sure that's what all of Ted Bundy's victims thought, too." Delta shot back. Crystal, who had been polished her black painted fingernails, looked at her friend and decisively said, "he's coming."

With the car filled, they argued next over who was going to drive. Tiffany insisted that because it was her car she was going to be the only driver. Luann reminded her that they would be traveling for 10-12 hours a day and no one can drive hours like that safely. Delta whispered to Luann to let Tiffany find out for herself how tiring driving can be. Then she'll be happy to trade off with someone else.

They argued over how much luggage each girl could bring along. Tiffany was going to bring along her entire closet. That left Crystal miffed because then there would be no left for her bags of luggage. Neither would compromise. Delta shook her head, told the girls they were on their own, and left. Bernice suggested they measure the trunk, and as they did reminded them that they had to divided it up five ways. Reluctantly Tiffany agreed to one suitcase and one tote bag for each person.

"Who's going to pay for all of this?" she then demanded "I certainly aren't! That car uses a lot of gas and oil. Somebody's going to pay for that and it isn't me."

That was a stumper for Luann. None of them had much money, maybe a couple hundred at most in their college funds. At a minimum, she and Bernice had calculated it would be at least a week out trying to track down Quill and a week back. If any complications came up it could be another one or two weeks all told. The bill for hotel rooms, food, and gas would be astronomical.

Luann was so bummed out that for two days she lay on the sofa in her pajamas, sulking. Brad, off-duty for a couple days from his fire-fighting job, came by to drop off his dirty laundry. Even though he had moved out of the house into a rental, he still depended on his mother for clean clothes. Luann suspected that if or when he and his girlfriend, Toni, ever got married Brad would be in for a rude surprise. Toni, a fellow fireman, did not look like the kind of girl that automatically did someone else's clothes. For that matter if Brad and Toni ever got married Brad would have to break up with T.J.

T.J. was a swarthily handsome friend of nebulous ethnic background Brad had made back when he was in high school. T.J. never seemed to go to school, have a job or have an ambition beyond enjoying the moment. Luann had never entirely trusted him precisely because he was so mysterious. For someone without a job T.J. always seemed to have a little money.

"Hey, chica. why so glum," he asked, dropping into a chair next to the sofa.

"You're not hispanic. Stop acting like you are," Luann said.

"Why do you hate me so? I've never done anything bad to you."

You're always getting my brother into trouble."

"And I always get him out of it, too. I admit I haven't always made good decisions but, sister of my best friend, I've always owned up to my sins and paid for them."

Luann snorted in disbelief.

"You wound me, cara mia. But seriously are you sick? Brad says you've been moping around the house for the last couple days. Is it ... an affair of the heart."

By the time Luann had stopped crying T.J. had the gist of the situation. "So it's money you need? How much?"

"What does it matter to you?" Luann said suspiciously. T.J. just shrugged and left, a mysterious smile on his face.

He was back an hour later, nudged Luann awake - she had drifted asleep watching Dr. Phil - and pressed something into her hand.

Luann was still blinking the sleep out of her eyes when she looked at it. "At credit card?"

"Your credit card," T. J. explained. "It's got a $5000 limit so don't go wild."

Luann stared at her name embossed in gold letters on the card. "What do I owe you for this?"

T. J. shrugged. "We'll work out something later."

"I don't like the sound of that. I'd rather know in advance. I don't want to promise to help you dispose of a corpse someday or do something worse."

"You watch too many gangster movies, chica."

"And someone just like you are in all of them."

"I'm just a guy trying to live by his wits. I stay away from Goodfellows as much as anyone else." T. J. looked around to see if Brad was anywhere in sight. "Look, don't tell your brother, but I've got money I don't don't want. Family trust fund. But I don't much like my family. They're not gangster, exactly, just looters of our nation of birth. To me it's blood money. That's why I want to make it on my own. If I can use their blood money for a good deed I feel like I'm erasing a little of their bad karma. You understand?"

Luann had listened to T. J. spin one story after another all the time shed known him so it was hard to believe that he was being any more honest now.

"Look, kiddo, here's the deal, I'll pay the interest on this card. You just have to paid back the principle. It's the interest on a credit card that kills you so this is a deal for you. And, the loss for me will just be deducted from my income tax so nobody loses."

"As long as I don't have to sign for this card in blood."

T. J. laughed. "You have such an active imagination," he said and left her to study the credit card in awe.

][

Two days later they gathered at Tiffany's. The idea of her driving around and picking them in the car was, to her, inconceivable. Luann stowed her suitcase in the trunk with Bernice. When she turned around she found Knute Carlsbergson standing there. "Woo, ride trip," he said. "Like where are you going. Is this a chick trip? Can I come along?"

"Knute you were not invited!" Tiffany stormed up and tried to push him away. "Who told him about this?" she wanted to know.

"It wasn't me," Luann insisted. Bernice echoed her denial. Eyes were turning to only other one there, Crystal Dresden, who was looking guilty. Tiffany was about to say something she'd regret when Gunther's thin voice chirped out, "Knute, you made it!"

"You invited him along?" Tiffany turned on the small red-headed boy.

Gunther blushed a bright red. "I didn't invite him, exactly. He'd heard that we were going on a trip and asked if he could come along. I just said there was room for one more. I didn't say he could come along."

Luann looked at Bernice who shrugged noncommittally. Luann felt the same way. Knute wasn't exactly a friend but he wasn't a stranger either. He tended to be zoned out most of the time but could make good conversation at other times. She looked at Tiffany, who was clearly put out by Knute's presence. That tipped the matter for her. If it made Tiffany unhappy then she was all for having Knute along. "I don't mind, she said. "It'll give us an extra guys to carry all out stuff."

"But he's not packed or anything," Tiffany protested.

"I've got everything I need right here," Knute said, holding up a gym bag. Under Tiffany's continued scrowl he opened the bag and started pulling things out of it. "I've got an extra shirt, a change of underwear, deodorant and voila! a washing machine." This was a spray bottle of Febreze laundry deodorizer.

"Eww," Luann grumbled. Tiffany looked too disgusted for words but Crystal was having trouble suppressing giggles.

"You think this is funny," Tiffany stormed, "Then you sit next to him!"

"Oh, wow! great!" Knute declared. "Hey, Crys, my name is Knute. I think we have English together. I dig your studs."

"It's 'Crystal'," she declared as she got into the front seat and slid towards the middle. The Caddy was just old enough to have a bench seat arrangement in the front. "No one, _**no one **_calls me "Crys."

"Ok, Crys - stal." Knute slide in beside her and hung his arm on the seat back behind her. She glared back at him until he moved his arm. "Oh Yeah, Sorry." he laughed. "Do you like skateboarding?"

"No." she said, crossing her arms.

Bernice, Gunther and Luann got into the back seat. Luann handed Crystal a road map with the next five hundred miles marked off in yellow high-lighter. She wasn't going to give Tiffany more of a clue where they were going until they were well on their way.

Bernice looked at her watch and jotted the time in a new steno pad. The others might blog their trip on their cellphones but she liked the private nature of writing notes in a diary.

They chatted a bit as they got under way but as the miles rolled on and they were still in the Pittsville suburbs the conversations slowed and finally stopped. Luann watched the miles speed by on the freeway.

She was beset by doubts about this whole mission. What if she was wrong and Quill really had returned to Australia. What if the house they had broken into had belonged so someone else. What if this would all be a silly goose chase? What if? - what if? - What if? Luann had something of a history of plans blowing up in her face, or misconstruing things people said, of massively embarrassing herself. How could she sure that this wouldn't be another cock-up? Other times there had only been a few people to know how badly she had screwed up. This time there would be all sorts of people watching her; ready to laugh at her if anything went wrong. She was ready to grab hold of Tiffany and scream at her to turn around. To forget all about this silly quest to find her runaway boyfriend.

She hesitated, then did nothing. The Fiasco, if indeed that's what this would prove to be, was already started. It would be just as humiliating to quit now as a week from now when they admit they'd never find Quill. She may as well go ahead with it. She went over and over the case in her head, trying to make it sound more reasonable and gradually feel asleep. She awoke hours later as they hit the bridge over the Mississippi River into St. Louis, Missouri, the great Arch on the river bank was silhouetted on the evening lights.

For better or worse the trip had begun.

* * *

Author's notes.

Crystal does not have a last name so I gave her one, Dresden (which is famous for its porcelain not its crystal.

Tiffany's last name is Farrel, which sounds like 'feral,' which is pretty descriptive of her.

Knute is another character with no known last name. Considering that Knute is a Scandinavian name I gave him the name Carlsbergson. But this, like Crystals name is no canon.

T.J. is a friend of Brad with no know backstory. He has mostly existed to lead Brad into bad decisions, which with his swarthy complexion makes him look like the Devil who tried to corrupt Faust. I needed someone to give Luann a lot of money no questions asked. The other choice was Elwood Druit the creater of the Eyes of Zeyev video game. Elwood has a lot of money apparently and could afford to fund Luann but he also seems to have something of a crush on her and would insist on coming along. I didn't have any place for him in the story so T. J. it is. The story I've given him that he's the son of Central American aristocrats who looted their country and the peasants there before fleeing a revolutionary army has no basis in Canon but doesn't contradict anything as far a I know. It's still pretty illogical for T.J. to just give Luann so much money - or rather a credit card backed by that much money. But this is the least illogical thing in this story.


	4. Chapter 4

Watching the countryside pass was interesting for only a little while. Soon it become boring and Luann drifted asleep. She awoke as the car rose high into the sky as it crossed over the Mississippi into St. Louis. This, she thought, marked the real start of their mission to find Quill. So she was surprised when Tiffany turned off the freeway and headed down to the surface streets. "What's going on?" Luann asked, anxiously.

"We all took a vote while you were sleeping. We couldn't drive pass St. Louis without seeing the Arch." Tiffany informed her.

"But - But, we can't stop here. We've got a schedule to keep."

"What do you mean," Tiffany said. "Quill's not going to slip out of our fingers if we stop here for an hour. You haven't told us where he is, anyway."

"But if we stop here we'll end up stopping at every giant peanut and corn palace along the way. Then we'll never get anywhere."

"The only giant nut around here is in the back seat. I don't think any of us want to stop and admire you."

Luann smarted under Tiffany's dig but couldn't think of a good come-back, and in any case they were pulling into a space in the large parking lot near the chrome steel structure. The matter was out of her hands. Still Luann sulked in the car while the others run up to the monument, took photos of themselves next to it, rode the tram to the top and looked in awe at the colored lights of St. Louis spread out before them.

Luann was in an ever fouler mood by the time they got back, largely because ten minutes after the others had left she'd realized she wanted to see the Arch as well.

The others got back in the car after a while and insisted on showing Luann all the pictures they'd taken there, which only made her feel worse. Luann's mood only started to lighten as they left the city and spotted the motel outside of St. Louis where she'd reserved a room. She was further amazed that her (T.J.'s) magic credit card was accepted without complaint. However it turned out that they needed to rent a second room for the boys. The proprietor wasn't willing to allow a mixed group of teen-agers stay in the same room. Luann winced a little at that. She hadn't counted on needing to get two rooms every night. That was going to eat into the card's limit a lot faster than she expected.

The girl's room, though, was neat and clean. There were two queen-size beds, a dresser and a large flat-screen TV. The bathroom was at the back of the room with a sink and vanity next to it out in the open. The A/C had been running so it was pleasantly cool inside. Knute and Gunther helped the girls drag their bags inside then disappeared to their room.

While planning the trip Luann had thought how this might turn into a sort of serial sleep-over party for the girls, with them sitting around munching popcorn or potato chips at night, gossiping about the boys in school, or their ambitions in life, favorite boy bands or whatever. Luann had never been popular enough to have been invited to many sleep-overs as a kid so she thought she might have a chance to catch up on what she missed. Except she hadn't counted on Tiffany.

Tiffany and Crystal were already cliche - and made it clear that Luann and Bernice weren't invited. Luann should have seen that coming since that was normal for the former beauty pageant winner and self-declared hottest girl in school. Still it was a disappointment to Luann. Bernice, who never expected any different from Tiffany was neither surprise or disappointed that half the room wasn't talking to the other half.

Motels generally rent to traveling families and not four separate girls with four separate suitcases so there wasn't nearly enough room for each of the girls to lay open their bags. Luann was squabbling with Crystal over the dresser top. Crystal had already dumped a half dozen things from her suitcase on top, taking up the whole dresser. Luann argued that she had to give up half of that so she could set down her bag there as well. While they were arguing Tiffany slipped in the bathroom and locked the door. A moment later they could hear the shower start.

Angrily Luann shoved her bag onto the dresser top, pushing Crystal's stuff out of the way. As the goth girl fumed Luann marched to the bathroom door and pounded on it. "Ten minutes, Tiff!" She shouted through the door. "The rest of us need to shower, too!"

It was more like fifteen minutes before Tiffany came out. She had a towel wrapped around her and another wrapped around her hair. Her left arm was surprisingly pink, sunburned from hanging out the car's window all day. There must have been some telepathy going on between the two girls because hardly had Tiffany left the bath then Crystal slid in.

With sigh Luann sat back down on the bed she and Bernice would share. She watched as Tiffany dug through her suitcase, coming up with a hair-drier. The whine of the drier soon joined the 'shhhh' of the shower. Besides the noising getting on her nerves, it came to Luann that if everyone was going to be using two towels that night (and she certainly would need at least two since her hair was every bit as long as Tiffany's) there wouldn't be enough towels to go around.

"I'm going to get more towels," she announced, though only Bernice was listening.

Coming back with an armload of towels Luann didn't see Knute and Gunther fall in step behind her. She opened the door with an old fashioned key and stepped in. Crystal, out of the shower was dropping her towel to pull on panties, Bernice, in her underwear, was heading for the shower. Tiffany was still drying her hair.

"What's for supper?" Knute boomed right behind Luann. She jumped in alarm, dropping the pile of towels. Bernice screamed and dashed into the bathroom. Crystal snatched up her towel and yelled, "Out!" Only Tiffany seemed unaffected. Either she didn't hear Knute come in or didn't mind what he saw.

Luann spun around and started pushing Knute towards the door. He backed up slowly, obviously transfixed by what he saw. After a couple steps Gunther reached around the door frame, grabbed Knute by the shirt and hauled him the rest of the way of out the room.

"I told you you can't just barrage in like that!" he was hear to say as Luann slammed the door closed and bolted it.

Leaning against the door she could hear Knute rerply, "Did you see them? I think I've died and gone to heaven."

"Your nose is bleeding," Gunther said

][

According to the manager the only place open at that time of night was a MacDonalds and even then only the drive-thru. Tiffany was not in the mood to get back into her car and drive but she was hungry, too, and so they went. She made it abundantly clear, though, that there would be no eating in her car. So they drove back and eat sitting on the car's bumper. The boys were expressly not allowed into the girl's room to eat there as a group.

Since there is nothing quite to tiring as sitting in a car all day the six kids were ready for bed at a comparatively early hour. Luann told them she wanted to hit the road by 8 the next morning since they still had a long ways to go.

As they were getting ready for bed Luann was fascinated by how differently each one went about. She just shimmied out of clothes to put on a large t-shirt and shorts. Bernice, on the other hand crept into the bathroom to change into long-sleeved pajamas. Luann could imagine Gunther doing the same time, only his pajamas would be plaid.

Going to bed for Tiffany was a production, but one to be expected from a person who felt her life was in her face. First she washed her face with special moisturizing soap, then rubbed in a lanolin rich mosturizing cream before tying on a facial mask. she topped that off with a sleeping mask to cover her eyes. Laying down on the bed Luann thought she looked like one of those monsters from cheap drive-in movies.

Crystal was interesting for entirely different reasons. because first she filled a small plastic cup half full of water and add a couple drops of what must be soap and then start removing her various earrings She had about five per ear, two small rings in one eyebrow brow and a nose stud on the opposite side of her face. As she removed each one she would rub it down with an alcohol wipe and drop it into the soapy water. Then she screwed down the lid to the cup and shook it vigorously for a minute. She drained off the soapy water, rinse the cup a couple times with tap water then partially fill the cup with hydrogen peroxide, screw the cap on loosely and set them aside on the nightstand of her side of the bed.

She noticed Luann watching her and scowled back. "You have to clean them regularly to prevent infection, OK?" She said half angrily, half defensively.

"Seems like a lot of work," Luann replied in what she hoped was a neutral sounding voice.

"It takes a lot of work to look good," Crystal said with more of a condescending tone. From the open kit where she'd pulled the cup, soap and peroxide, Crystal now took out some more alcohol wipes and swabbed at each of her piercing.

Luann sat back in bed and opened a small beaded purse she had brought along. She'd gotten it, she couldn't remember when, it might have been a hand-me-down from her mother. It was about the size of a business envelope, had a red rose design in colored beads on one side and was otherwise all black. Inside it Luann had stuffed all the bills she'd paid for today with T. J.'s magic card. She flattened these out and wrote down the totals onto a 3 by 5 notecard, along with the date and totaled up the amount. She intended to keep a running total of how much of T. J.'s money she was spending so she'd know just how deeply in debt she was to him.

By the time she had everything totally up she realized she was the last person up. She turned out the light over the bed and slide under the covers.

][

The next morning Luann assumed the day would go a lot better than the day before had.

She was wrong.

First Tiffany took a lot longer to get out of bed and dressed than expected. Every day was a beauty pageant for her with all the preparations that go with it. Then she complained about being sore from all the driving the day before but would not consider letting anyone else drive her precious caddy. But the big mistake of the morning was sitting next to Gunther.

Crystal, of course, took a seat next to Tiffany and Knute quickly piled in beside Crystal. They exchanged quips from Three Stoogies films and settled in. That left Luann, Bernice and Gunther in the back seat. Gunther had sat at the window the day before, today he slide to the middle and gave Bernice the window seat. Luann had the window behind the driver's seat.

Luann had known Gunther for so long that she couldn't remember when they actually first met. It was probably back when she was crushing on Aaron Hill and didn't really notice any other boys in her class. Gunther had always been there - friendly, helpful, eager to be her friend, and more than a friend. But that was never going to happen. Gunther had extremely curly hair which he kept cut short, wore heavy glasses which caused him to squirt. Even after he switched to contacts he still had a tendency to squint, which with his receding chin and chronic wearing of plaid shirts made him look like the proverbial nerd.

Today Gunther had an artist's sketchpad on his knees and a handful of pencils stuck in his shirt pocket.

"What'cha got?" Luann asked in a friendly manner.

"I - uh - thought I'd maybe work on - uh - some ideas I've had for - uh - some costumes." He hesitantly explained.

"Costume for Halloween? Or some cosplay thing?" Luann asked. "I still remember that witch's dress you made for me for the library reading club. That was so nice."

"I like how it can out, too. But you forgot to wear the panel I'd put in behind the corset lacing. Everyone could see you weren't wearing uh - uh - uh - a bra."

"How did you know that? You weren't there when I gave the reading."

"Timothy Archer took a picture of you while you were reading. All the kids in the group got copies of it. And he sent one to me when I asked because I really wanted to see how you looked in the dress."

"Timothy Archer? He's like, six. What a little pervert!"

Gunther shrugged. "Anyway I've been sketching ideas for dresses in this book. Wanna look?"

"Sure."

He opened the sketchbook to the first page and Luann saw preliminary sketches for for the black Witch's gown Gunther had made for her. It was interesting to see how that dress had evolved from kind of sack like thing into the elegant gown it ended up as. He turned the page and there were several more designs that Luann didn't find very interesting. Another page and she was looking at a horrible monstrosity. The dress was a slender sheath and ended with a pile of flounce at the feet, while another mound of ruffles buried the head of the model. A heavy seam of ruffles run down one side connecting the bundles. The dress looked so lop-sided than Luann felt off-balanced just looking at it. She grunted a "hmmmm?" not knowing what else to say.

Gunther turned a couple more pages of equally ill conceived dresses before reaching the other dress he had made for her, layers of pastel gauze with an overdecorated hem and a spiral of multicolored ruffles running from hem to neck. Luann hated the dress because she felt it had cost her a beauty contest she had been in with Tiiffany. The dress had been hideous but Gunther had made it especially for her so it was either not wear the dress and hurt his feeling or wear the dress and lose the pageant. The choice had really tested her friendship with the nerdy boy.

Gunther, however, was still in love with the dress, talking about the tricky points of its construction. Finally he turned the page and Luann realized that there was plenty of room for worse.

"Did you draw my face on all your dresses?" she asked, not knowing what else to say. It was true. Gunther had drawn a model under each of his dress designs. They all had the elongated arms and legs, the small bust and hips of professional models but on each and every one of them appeared Luann's face. Sometimes her hair was tied up in some sort of do, other times it had been combed down into a straight fall to her neck. But it was clearly Luann's face. She didn't know which bothered her the most, the sign of Gunther's continuing infatuation with her, despite her best efforts to explain to him that nothing was ever going to happen between them, or the unrelenting awfulness of the dresses. She finally burst out with "Do you have anything that isn't quite so - gay?"

"What do you mean?" Gunther asked indignantly, and Luann couldn't answer. She wasn't sure what she meant. "You think I'm gay! Everybody thinks I'm gay!" Gunther continued angrily. "I'm not! Why can't people believe that!"

Because you like to sew and design dresses, Luann thought but out loud protested, "That's not what I meant." She could hear sniggering in the front seat. Tiffany and Crystal. "I just meant that all these dress designs seem so" - Luann fought for a word - "fruity," she blurted before realizing that wasn't the word she wanted. "I mean they all so over-the-top, so ..."

"Gay?" Gunther taunted.

"No, awful!" That really helped, Luann thought and tried to regroup, but it was too late. Gunther had turned his back on her, something not easy to do in the backseat of a car.

"Don't bother," he said. "If you don't like my designs, fine. If you think I'm gay then you're no friend of mine!"

"I have never thought you were gay," Luann said to Gunther's back. She sighed and leaned back against the window post. Just great, she thought, not two days into their mission to find Quill and she had already alienated half her friends in the car. Tiffany and Crystal, of course were no friends of hers, and Knute was something of a open question but his hanging around Crystal suggested he'd side with the anti-Luann cliche if push came to shove. The only friends Luann had had were Bernice and Gunther and now Gunther wasn't talking to her. She'd try apologizing again later, when he wasn't so angry. For now she was beginning to think this trip wasn't a good idea at all. What more could go wrong she wondered? She found out about three hours later.

][

Luann had been contemplating the incredible odor coming from the hog farm they were driving pass when the car suddenly lurched to the right. She looked up with a "wha?" to see Tiffany turning into a service plaza. They'd filled up that morning as they left the motel so Luann knew they didn't need gas.

Tiffany barely cleared the off-ramp before throwing the car into 'park', turning off the engine and throwing her head back on the head rest while moaning dramatically "I can't drive another inch!"

A truck roared past them, rocking the heavy Caddy. If Crystal had been riding with her arm out the window there wouldn't have been an arm to pull inside. The truck passed that close. "At least pull into the park lot," Crystal ordered, eyeing another truck coming off the freeway. With another dramatic sob Tiffany started the engine and pulled into a spot in front of the Welcome Center.

She stopped the car again and groaning pathetically stretched her arms, rolled her neck and sighed heavily.

"Oh, gimme the keys and I'll take over," Luann said. "We can't just sit here waiting for you to feel better."

"I could give her one of my patented back massages," Knute suggested, before being elbowed by Crystal, who apparently objected to Knute putting his hands on another woman.

"No way, Degroot! I'm not letting you wreck my car car!" Tiffany said.

"I have never been in an accident!" Luann reminded her. After a moment Luann went on, "Then let someone else drive." She looked around the car. "What about Knute? You've got a license, right?" Luann figured everyone of them had their driver's license, she just figured that Tiffany had already taken a dislike to the lanky skateboarder and wouldn't let him drive.

"Sorry, dudes," Knute said unexpectedly, "No can do. I could never get the hang of parallel parking. I failed all my driving tests. No license."

"You can't drive?" Crystal looked shocked. "You can shred three flights of stairs without crushing your nuts and you can't drive?"

Knute grinned sheepishly.

"What about Bernice. I know she got her licence."

"My parents won't let me drive their car," Bernice said from behind her video game. "It's been, like, a year since I've been behind the wheel."

"Gunther?" Luann asked hopefully.

"White knuckles. I get so tense that my hands go numb after half an hour."

"Crystal?"

"What and break a nail? No way!" Luann was going to ask how one could break a nail driving but Tiffany caved first. "Oh, all right, you can drive. But if you so much as much a scratch on my car I am going to sue your ass off!"

"Fine, whatever. I won't hurt your precious auto-mob-ile..."

Tiffany got out of the car and stretched. The others did to. Luann suggested they use the restrooms while they were here and they headed off inside.

Luann was back first. She took her place behind the driver's wheel and began adjusting the mirrors. Tiffany was right behind her, taking the spot in the back seat behind the driver. The boys were back next, laughing over something. As they waited for Bernice and Crystal Luann decided she wanted a caffinated pop for the road. So she got out and went back into the building, turning right into the food court. A souvenir shop and news stand was on the left. Coming back at the car with her pop Luann could see Knute and Bernice in the front and Gunther and Crystal in back. It looked like everyone was there so she got in, turned on the motor and backed around into the lane heading for the freeway. She merged onto the road at speed, marveling at how nice the car was to drive. Power steering that didn't drift and jerk like the one on her brother's car. A smooth ride unlike her dad's car. And as they put miles between the pig farm everything smelled better, too.

Then her phone rang.

Luann looked around just in case it was really someone else's phone. The phone rang again, vibrating as well as chiming in her pocket. It was definitely her phone. Who could be calling her in the middle of Missouri? She fished it out of her pants and tentatively said "hello?"

"Very funny, Degroot! Very funny! Now you get _my car_ back here in the next five minutes or I'm calling the police!"

"Tiffany?" Luann asked, puzzled. "Where are you?"

"Where do you think!"

Luann looked over to Bernice, "where's Tiffany?" she whispered.

"In back," Bernice answered without looking up from the game she was playing.

"Crystal!" the goth girl had her eyes closed, sleeping. "Wake up! Where's Tiffany?"

Crystal took one look at the back seat and screamed "Where's Tiffany?What have you done with her?"

"Maybe she's calling from inside the trunk of the car and is pranking you," Knute suggested.

"There are six suitcases in that trunk, moron, you couldn't squeeze a cat in there!"

By this time it was obvious were Tiffany was. "What are you doing at the Service Plaza?" she asked, jerking the steering wheel into a tight turn. The blare of a truck horn sounded as the eighteen-wheeler barely avoided colliding with them. Gasping, Luann pulled to the side of the road and stopped.

"Now you're facing backwards on a one-way road," Bernice remarked mournfully.

Luann snapped her phone shut in the middle of Tiffany's rant and mumbled curses while she tried to think. "How am I going to get back to the service plaza? Where's the next turn around?"

"You don't need to do that," Knute said. "Just drive over to the other side."

Luann looked where he was pointing. There was a wide grass median between the east and west lanes of traffic. The grass dipped into a shallow ditch but there were no fences or guard rails keeping her from driving across the grass to the other side.

She put the car into gear and slowly drove down into the ditch and back out. She waited a moment for traffic to clear then gunned the engine and merged back into the road.

It was a couple minutes before she saw the service plaza and realized that there was no cross road to get her back to the other side. She drove on past the east bound service plaza to the confused cries of the others and then, when out of sight of both plazas, she swung into the median and quickly bounced through the ditch to the other side. Grass and dirt was sent flying as the car skidded around to face west again. She lurched back onto the freeway, dodged between a couple of semis and pulled back into the service center that they had left ten minutes before. Tiffany was standing outside the Welcome Center arms waving and hopping around.

Luann had barely brought the car to a stop before Tiffany ripped open the door and tried to pull Luann out. She didn't get very far because Luann's seat belt was still buckled. "Give me the keys you bitch! Trying to ditch me? You'll never drive me car ever again!"

For her part Luann was scream back "Where the hell did you go? Were you trying to give me a heart attack? She showed the other away, unbuckled her belt and got out. When Tiffany came in at her with her fingernails set to claw Luann grabbed some hair and started to pull. They were staggering across the parking lot when arms suddenly grabbed them and pulled them apart. Knute and Crystal were holding on to Tiffany and pulling her back. She imagined that Bernice and Gunther had a hold of her.

"Stop fighting you two," Crystal cried, "Can't you go one day without bickering? If I'd known it was going to be like this I wouldn't have come on the trip!"

"She deliberately left me behind!" Tiffany accused.

"When did you leave the car?" Crytal asked. "I definitely remember you being in the car when I closed me eyes. The next time I know we're miles down the road and you're not where you were supposed to be!"

"I went to get a magazine."

"Without telling anyone?"

"Luann was getting a pop, which I expressly forbid anyone from getting. I figured I could run into the convenience store and pick up some thing to read before she got back."

"Obviously not," Knute said.

"Well, what's her excuse?" Tiffany demanded. "She just started driving without seeing that everyone was here?"

"I thought you were still in the back. How was I to know you had got out?"

"Tiffany was about to say something when Gunther interrupted. "It doesn't matter who did what. The thing is we came back for Tiffany as soon as we knew she wasn't here. Isn't that the important thing?"

"She did it on purpose." Tiffany insisted.

"Why would I leave you behind? It's your car. If we got stopped for anything it would sure look odd that the owner of the car isn't here. Maybe I made a mistake of assuming everyone was here. Maybe I should have insisted on a rollcall. But I wouldn't deliberately leave anyone behind."

"You should have seen her face," Knute volunteered, "when she heard you on the phone. That was priceless."

"Ok,maybe you're right," Tiffany said. She pulled away from Knute and Crystal's hold. "It was all a big accident that we'll laugh about later. But mess with me again, Degroot and so help me..."

"Let's just get back in the car and go," Crystal said, leading Tiffany over to the back door. After a moment Luann got back behind the wheel and started the car.

As they merged once again into traffic Tiffany asked in a puzzled voice, "Why is there sod stuck to the window?"

* * *

You can, in fact follow Luann and friends in your Rand-McNally. They are traveling west on I-70 heading to Kansas City.

Think of this chapter as a series of really small chapters, or as a week of gag-a-day strip. Chapter five - karaoke!


	5. Chapter 5

They reached Kansas City shortly after one and following another one-side debate Luann was forced to pull off into a barbecue shop for lunch. How could they pass through the home of barbecue without sampling some Bernice argued.

A hour later, following an intense hand-inspection by Tiffany they piled back into the car and took off. Luann, burping unexpectedly, and most unladylike had to admit that it tasted just as good the second time around. But the bill... She wasn't going to enjoying totaling up today's expenses.

They pulled into a motor lodge late in the day near Hayes, Kansas, rented two rooms and just collapsed on the beds for a while. Tiffany, who hadn't been driving for most of the day, was first up, looking for a place to eat. There was a restaurant next door to the motor lodge. At that point in the day any place that served food slightly more warm than cold would have been fine with her. Then she saw the sign out front: "Wednesday - Karaoke Night!" She checked her watch. Tonight was Wednesday. She hurried inside, splashed water on her face and changed her top. "Guys! guys! get up," she ordered the weary girls. "It's karaoke night!"

"What of it?" Luann groaned, dragging a pillow over her head.

"Come on, it's be fun. And it's at a restaurant, so we can eat, too."

"What so fun about karaoke?" Bernice wondered. "It's not like any of us can sing."

"I have a wonderful singing voice," Tiffany insisted in an an offended tone.

"So does a frog," Luann insisted from under the pillow, "but you don't see them running off to Karaoke."

"I won the Miss Chamber of Commerce with my singing voice," Tiffany insisted. "What did you ever win?"

"Lead in 'West Side Story'," Bernice couldn't resist answering.

"A high school play! I won a beauty contest!"

"She's not going to stop unless we go," Crystal advised as she pushed herself upright and swung her feet to the floor. "Give me a minute to fix my make-up," she added, standing up. But before she could move a step Bernice had hopped out of bed and ran into the bathroom. "I gotta go," she said from behind the closed door.

"It's not like I was going to take forever," Crystal complained as she checked herself in the mirror over the TV. She opened her purse and pulled out some black lipstick. Carefully applying it, then made faces in the mirror to check on its application. She sighed "good enough," just as Bernice came out of the john.

They roused the boys and wandered across the two parking lots to the "Chuck Roast Bar and Grill."

"Looks like a tavern," Bernice groaned. "You know we're not allowed in bars until we're 21."

"It's too big to be a bar. It has to be a restaurant," Tiffany insisted. "In any case maybe they won't ask our ages."

Inside the vestibule doors lead to the right to to a bar and left to a dinning room. A hostess at the end of the hall waited for them. She was an older looking woman, leathery looking with a helmet of hair. She wore a pale blue dress uniform that reached to her knees and a large white apron. Over the chest the apron read "Chuck Roasts's in large letters under it in smaller print was "If it ain't messy, it ain't barbecue."

Tiffany took the lead. "Table for six," she said.

"Is there an age..." Bernice started to ask but the hostess just smiled. "You kids here for the Karaoke? Don't think I've seen you before," she went on. "You from out of town?"

"We're from Pittsville," Tiffany said, adding the state they came from.

"That's a long way to travel for some singing." the hostess said. She had made some annotation on her sitting chart, picked up menus and lead the way through the doorway into the dinning room. There was a mix of round tables seating four and square, two person tables. The place was somewhat worn, dimly lit in a vaguely western theme. At the far side of the room, near the stage, the hostess did something under one side of a round table causing part of edge to drop. She did that to another table, then pushed the two square edges together. Knute and Gunther helped arrange chairs around what was now a table for six.

They ordered and as they ate the dinning room started filling up. By nine o'clock, when the karaoke was to start Luann could see the hostess was combining strangers to fill any empty chairs in the room.

An announcer mounted the stage and welcomed everyone to the restaurant. He briefly explained that there was a sign-up sheet at the edge of the stage and the best signer would win a fifty dollar prize. He ended by saying he'd give people a couple minutes to sign up and they'd get started. Tiffany was on her feet as soon as he placed the mike back in the rest. "Come on, you poseur," she told Luann. They were on the second column of the sheet by the time they could sign-in. They were handed a battered and dog-eared sheet of titles that were in the karaoke machine.

When Tiffany's turn finally came up she broke into "I will always Love you." - "And I-i-i-i-i-i will always love you-u-u-u-u-u-u" On the drawn out phrases she almost sounded liked she was yodeling. She finished to a round of applause, blow kisses at the crowd and walked back to their table. "Beat that!" she exulted to Luann.

"That shouldn't be hard. The only person who could ever sing that song well as its author, Dolly Parton, and that's because she could hit high notes that only dogs could hear."

"Are you calling me a dog?" Tiffany seethed.

"Just the opposite. Now if you'll excuse me, they're calling my name."

Luann walked up to the stage and punched in the number of the song she wanted. Before hitting 'play' she raised the mike and said "I want to dedicate this song to a certain Australian, who if I ever find him is going to wish he were in prison. She hit 'play' and began crooning "There is a place in New Orleans, they call the Rising Sun..."

She finished to a healthy round of applause and even a couple 'woo-hoos.' She sat back down and smiled broadly at Tiffany. After a moment the blonde ran up to the stage and signed up again.

"I am better than you and I am going to prove it," she said sitting back down at the table.

After a little chiding from Bernice and Gunther Luann got up and signed on for another song.

There were a few more locals before Tiffany was called to the stage. As she got up on stage she also addressed the audience. "This song is also for a certain Australian who I do not plan to beat up."

She folded her hands around the mike and bowed her head in a prayerful manner as the music started. She sounded surprisingly good as she began "Just call me angel in the morning. Just touch my cheek before you leave me..."

She exited to spirited applause. Sitting down she stuck out her tongue at Luann and quipped "That's how a real singer does it.'

"You know that's a song about a slut." Luann said.

"It is not!" Tiffany huffed. "It's a beautiful love song."

"About a woman who can't tell the difference between sex and love," Luann insisted.

"Luann DeGroot?" The announcer called. Bernice elbowed Luann and jerked her head towards the stage.

"Hope you have something good," Tiffany sneered, "you're going to need it." Luann just smiled.

"It looks like we've got a bit of rivalry going on here," the announcer said, filling in the time as Luann made her way to the stage. "That's the kind of thing that makes Chuck Roast's karaoke night such a great place to be on a Wednesday night."

Luann took the mike from his hand, punched in her selection. "This song spoke to me long ago when I first hear it. And now that I am seventeen it speaks to me even more." She hit play and closed her eyes and waited for the first notes to play.

"I learned the truth at seventeen

That love was meant for beauty queens

And high school girls with clear skinned smiles

Who married young and then retired

There was thunderous applause as she finished the song and left the stage. Tiffany was looking at her poisonously.

"That concludes the competition portion of tonight's show. If anyone would like to come up and sing while our judges try to sober up and pick a winner, the stage is yours.

Knute popped out of his seat and beat a couple other guys to the stage. "This is going to be a disaster," Bernice sighed.

"I didn't know Knute could sing," Gunther said.

"He can't," Crystal answered.

In a high, reedy voice Knute began "East coast girls are really hip, I dig the styles of their hair, and the southern girl with the um - uh - something makes my warm all down there. The Mid-western farmer's daughter im - something - something somethin."

"Oh, Gawd," Crystal groaned, and burned her head in her hands. Tiffany was openingly laughing. Bernice was covering her eyes with her hands and even Gunther was staring with a grimace. Luann flicked through the pages of songs programmed into the karaoke machine, smiling when she found the title she was looking for. She ran over to the stage and hit the 'cancel' button on the player.

"Knute, the words are right there on the screen," she pointed to the large monitor.

"But they go by so fast..." Knute whined.

Luann wondered for a moment if what he really meant was that he couldn't read. It would be like Knute... She keyed in a new three-digit number. "Here, you can't mess up this," she told a confused looking Knute. She jumped off the stage and was back at the table when the familiar three cords began playing.

"Oh, yeah!" Knute shouted before singing "Louie, louie, whoa baby, webalow. Yeah yeah yeah. I said a louie, louie webalow..."

"There are words to that song?" Bernice asked as Luann slid into the chair next to her. "Of course. What song doesn't? It's a Caribbean love song. Sort of. The Kingsmen mumbled the words so badly that no one ever know what they were really singing and even today it's kind of a tradition that you never sing the words clearly."

A minute later Knute had finished the song. He extended his hands in the air with first and last fingers extended, like a rock star. "I'll be here all night! Thank you, you've been a great audience. Don't forget to tip your waitress and spay or neuter your pets!" He yelled then jumped off the stage.

As Knute strutted back to the table cto the sounds of sone friendly laughter and a few cries of "smokin'," Crystal surprised Luann by leaning over and whispering "thanks." Since Crystal had shone no interest in Knute at any time during their road trip so far Luann wasn't sure why it meant so much to the goth girl that she'd saved Knute from completely embarrassing himself.

A guy in blue jeans and a western shirt got up and sang a couple cowboy songs, which were well received at the audience. While he was singing the gang was trying to get one of their other members to go up and sing. Crystal had shook her spikey head and said flatly that was not going to happen. Gunther quailed so much from just the suggestion that he sing in public that for a moment it looked like he was going to retreat into his plain shirt the way a turtle retreats into its shell. That left just Bernice who refused at first but after a bit of pressure finally decided that it would be easier to make a fool of herself in public than to be badgered to death by her friends.

She climbed to the stage and punched in the number of the song she wanted. "This is a song from my favorite end-of-the-world movie," she announced. Then in a flat monotone began singing

I see trees of green... red roses too

I see em bloom... for me and for you

And I think to myself... what a wonderful world.

Luann and the others where clapping madly as she came off the stage. it sort of made up for the lack of applause from the the rest of the room. Bernice's face was beet-red and she was breathing in little gasps as she sat down but with everybody reaching over to pat her back she quickly calmed down.

After a little bit that announcer came back and took the mike. "I'm afraid we're going to have to disappoint Ronnie, who usually wins these contests," he waved in the direction of a tall man in a tight tan suit with an ultra narrow tie, "But the judges were unanimous in picking a newcomer as the best singer in tonight's competition. So lets give a big round of applause..." - Tiffany was already getting out of her seat - "to - ah - Luann DeGroot. winner of tonight's Fifty Dollar Prize. Come on up, Luann."

For a moment it looked like Tiffany was going to leap across the table and strangle Luann but the moment passed.

Luann went up, accepted a hand-shake from the announcer, held up an over-size check for $50 and was asked to sing another song. Luann looked over the list and selected Pink's "Let's get This Party Started." The audience sang along with her.

Afterward as she was leaving, holding up her oversized check the announcer stopped her and whispered in her ear that they'd swap the prop check for real money when she and her party were ready to leave. "I was hoping to keep this," Luann laughed. "I was going to mount it on my wall to show that I'd actually won something in a contest."

"Gosh, little lady, this things cost me a fortune to have made. I'd really rather you took the money."

Luann agreed. She was surprised to see Knute pulling on Crystal's arm as she got back to their table. "I don't sing!" Crystal was saying. "I don't either but we'll have fun." Knute replied. "Besides it'll be a duet. no one will know you're singing." They argued back and forth a little longer before Crystal gave in. She followed Knute to the stage. Knute for his part, stopped to ask Luann the number for "Louie, Louie."

Crystal was an unhappy camper on stage as she waited for the music to start. If looks could kill, Knute would have been dead a dozen times over.

Knute pulled her over for the opening chorus. Crystal's voice was easy to hear over Knute's having a loud, bell-like force to it. She sort of missed noted but could, with a little training, easily have a nice voice.

Crystal let Knute stumbling through the verse, and as she waited for the chorus to come around she started doing a little dance, swaying with the music, shuffling her feet in time with the drums. By the time the chorus arrived she was waving her hands in the air, snapping her fingers, swinging her head about with abandon. Knute soldiered on, half turned so he could watch Crystal dance. Her eyes were closed. she was dancing in her own little world. He forgot to sing the last verse of the song, just stood there, like most of the audience, watching Crystal. When the music stopped Crystal kind of woke up with a jerk. she was breathing heavily and sweat dotted her forehead. She bolted for the stairs and was back at the table by the time Knute had ambled off the stage.

"There! Happy?" She demanded as Knute sat down. His chair was next to hers.

"Man, you know how to dance!" Knute exclaimed and unexpectedly wrapped his arms around her and pulled into a kiss. "You don't know how happy you've made me!"

Crystal pushed away from the skateboarder and swung a slap at him that echoed off the far walls of Chuck Roast Bar and Grill. "Don't ever touch me again!" she snapped and stormed out of the restaurant.

"What did I do?" Knute asked the air and Luann had no more an idea what Crystal's problem was than Knute did.

Crystal's abrupt departure had pretty much killed the mood of the evening and as the others looked at their watches and realized how late it was, and how tired they were from the day of driving, they decided it was time to leave. Luann traded in the prop check - after getting some pictures taken of her with it - for the bill for their dinner. And manager comped the difference between the bill and the prize money.

][

The next morning they staggered out of their hotel rooms in the early morning hours and threw their bags into the trunk of Tiffany's caddy. Crystal was sitting next to Tiff in the front seat, map on her lap (she was the official navigator), iPod buds in her ears. Knute wandered out of the boys' room with his case and back pack. He placed both in the trunk then looked around to see where he would be sitting today. Luann and Bernice were in the back seat. Gunther was making a final run through the room to make sure nothing had been left behind. Knute was about to reach for the handle of the back seat door when Crystal popped the front door open and scooted closer to Tiffany. Knute looked dubiously at this invitation before climbing in next to Crystal and closing the door. He was unable to look her in the eye but he must have felt good because soon he was smiling and humming something that could almost be recognized as the beat to "Louie Louie."

* * *

I wrote this chapter and a couple others before remembering to had to write a chapter getting them up to here. That chapter, chapter 4, took a long time to do even though I knew everything that was going to happen in it. This chapter was a lot of fun, thinking up songs appropriate for each character. From the song list you can tell I'm an old fogy but I think they all fit very well.


	6. Chapter 6

Luann's route kept them on I-70 on into Denver. Tiffany drove for a couple hours, pulled into a rest stop and pointed at Gunther, "Hey, white knuckles - drive!"

Gunther gulped, got in the driver's seat and slowly pulled away. He drove so slowly and stiffly than after an hour Luann volunteered to take over. Tiffany, must have still been sore about losing the karaoke contest because she pointed to Bernice and told her to drive. She even had Crystal drive for a stretch before letting Luann behind the wheel.

In Denver they picked up I-25 heading north to Cheyenne where they turned into I-80 still heading west. The Rocky Mountains were growing tall and ominous in the distance when Luann pulled into a motor lodge just outside Cheyenne.

"Why are we stopping here?" Bernice wondered. "It's kind of early in the day isn't it?"

Luann held up her Rand-McNally for everyone to see. "It's all Rocky Mountains from here on, according to the map. I don't want to go crossing the mountains in the dark, ok? So we'll break early today and cross the mountains in the morning."

"Why didn't we cross the mountains at Denver? We'd probably be over them by now if we had," Tiffany asked. She had taken to chewing gum because her ears kept popping.

"You two argue over that, I'm getting out of the car," Knute said. The lodge consisted of a row of small individual cabins. At one end of the row was a fenced-in swimming pool and in a grassy park in front of cabins were a series of picnic tables and a couple standing grills. Knute walked over to the tables and stretched out on one. He was followed a moment later by everyone. Luann spread out the atlas on an open table. Tiffany actually sat down next to her to better study the map. The others kind of loomed over Luann's shoulders.

"We didn't cross as Denver because of this!" She had turned the atlas to another page and pointed to a huge blank space in the middle of the page. "That's Nevada. According to this there's nothing there. The passage from Denver leads down this way to Las Vegas. ..."

"Oh, Las Vegas! Showgirls! Gambling. Bright lights, big city..."

"Knute, shut up," Crystal said. "No showgirls! No gambling - you're too young. We all are. Besides we'd only lose what money we have. The games are always rigged in favor of the house."

"No showgirls?" Knute whined. "Yeah," Gunther added.

"You got four live girls right here, and we're better looking than any showgirl you'll meet in las Vegas." Crystal insisted.

"Well, maybe three," Bernice said.

"You, too, Bernice!" Crystal unexpected included Luann's friend. "Your prettier than any of those old whores in Vegas."

"But the costumes..." Knute continued. Crystal just gave him a stare. He sighed and sat down.

"Las Vegas," Luann picked up where she had left off, "is way out of our way. We want to go here!" she pointed to a spot half-way up the coast of California.

"San Francisco?" Tiffany wondered. "Quill is in San Francisco?"

"No, we're going to Yosemite National Park which is close to San Francisco. At least closer than LA would be." She pointed to a point at the bottom of the state. "So the shortest route there is on this one freeway that cuts across Nevada, I-80, which crosses the Rockies here, which is why we're here." She frowned. "The problem is that it's only going to take half a day or so to cross the Rockies and reach Salt Lake City. But it's going to take a full day from Salt Lake to Yosemite. We had a short day today. I'd hate to have another short day tomorrow. I'd like to get to the Park as quickly as possible so we can begin looking around for anyone who remember's Quill." Luann ended with a sigh.

"Why don't we just keep driving?" Knute asked.

"We?"

"The five of you. If you, like, traded off every two hours that would be like two hours on and eight hours off. You could nap while someone else is driving and be refreshed when your turn comes around again. We - you - could do twenty hours straight, twenty-four - thirty - whatever. Once we get to where we're going then we can get a room and rest."

Luann looked over to Tiffany who was chewing her gum with bovine placidity. It was her car so it was up to her whether they drive it all night or not.

"Sure," she said after a moment. "But we get a nice hotel when we get there. No more no-tell motels."

][

With that settled Luann threw the atlas back in the car and walked over to the office to rent a couple cabins. When she got back out the caddie and the boys were gone. Suitcases piled up on the ground. Bernice explained that the boys had decided to have a picnic here and Gunther and Knute had gone looking for charcoal and some hotdogs to cook.

Luann opened the cabins so the girls could freshen up. As they were sitting at the picnic tables later she mentioned that the manager had said that the pool had just been opened for the season. "Anybody think to bring their bathing suits?" she asked.

"I never travel without a bathing suit," Tiffany spoke up. "You never know when you might need one." Crystal shrugged while Bernice hung her head.

"That's OK. I brought along a couple," Luann told her, "You can borrow one."

The boys were surprised to find the picnic tables empty when they finally got back. The girls had decided not to wait. Only none of them were actually in the pool. Luann and Bernice were sitting on chaise lounges on one side of the pool while Tiffany and Crystal were on the other. Bernice was tugging on different parts of her borrowed outfit trying to make the bikini less revealing.

"It would have been nice to visit Las Vegas," Luann sighed.

"What could we do there? We're too young to enter any of the casinos and who wants to see any of the casinos's 'family shows'?"

Yeah, but it would have been fun just driving up and down the streets looking at the lights, the people on the streets and all."

"Sounds boring," Bernice said.

Luann took another sip of her soda and set down on the cement under her chair. "It's funny," she said, "here we are a few months away from eighteen when we can get married, buy a car, or a house, join the army and kill people in foreign countries..."

"or get killed," Bernice added.

"and yet we can't get a drink, enter a bar or a casino or see the headline shows they have there. I don't see how a few months more will make us any more adult then we are now."

"Looking at those two," Bernice waved in the direction of the boys goofing around the picnic table while they waited for the coals form, "I don't thinking turning 18 or even 21 will make them any more adult - ever."

"Boys never grow up." Luann said sagely.

"I had an uncle who once said something kind of crazy but sometimes I think maybe it wasn't so crazy. He said that the age for drinking ought to be 16 and the age to get your driver's license should be 21."

"That is crazy."

"Yeah, but what he said was that kids drink too much because it's all new to them - a 'forbidden fruit' - so, of course, they over-indulge. Let them start drinking when they're still living at home, when they still have to deal with their parents, would cause them to not get so drunk. Then when they're old enough to drive a car drinking would no longer be a big think for them, ergo less drunk driving."

"I've been driving for almost two years now and I've never had an accident." Luann said.

"Yeah but we both know a lot of classmates who have. And when you hear about all the adults who were caught driving drunk I'm not sure that letting kids drink before they can drink would really solve anything. But from time to time I think about what he said and wonder if maybe he had something after all."

They sat in silence for a while. Luann was watching Tiffany and Crystal. Tiffany had already fallen asleep but Crystal, when not reading the magazine she had brought with her, was looking at the boys. Crystal was, as usual, wearing heavy make-up around her eyes, black lipstick, a couple piecing in her eye-brow and several chains around her neck. She wore a black tankini. When Luann had first met Crystal she thought she was ever more of a high-end fashion slave than Tiffany; oozing condescension and snideness. The odd thing was that over time Crystal had become less snotty while Tiffany had become, if anything, even more so.

From the coroner of her eye Luann could see Knute running from the picnic area towards the pool. He cannonballed into the water drenching Tiffany and Crystal. They shouted and screamed at him as they tried to brush the water off them. Of the two it seemed like Crystal yelled louder and longer.

"What a jerk," Bernice sighed.

"Do you think they're getting it on?" Luann asked.

"Who?"

"Crystal and Knute."

"Those two? Getting what on."

"You know, having sex."

Bernice sighed.

"Why would you even think of that? They have nothing in common."

"Just look at them. Knute is always doing something to attract Crystal attention..."

"Like splashing water on her?" Bernice sounded dubious.

"I didn't say he was smart about it, but yeah. And look at her. She's always looking at him. Not obvious like, but you can see that her eyes always come back to where Knute is."

"There are two reasons why you are so horrible wrong about this," Bernice began. "They're about as opposite as two people can be. Knute's sloppy and unkempt. Crystal is always poised and, uh, kempt. Knute is virtually inarticulate, Crystal can be trusted to always have something clever to say about anything."

"Knute's inevitable cheerful and Crystal isn't," Luann said. "Maybe she likes a little bit of something like that in her life."

"Eh. But the chief reason I'm sure Knute and Crystal are not doing anything is because Knute can never keep it a secret. If they had done it he would have been crowing about it before this."

"Yeah, I guess you're right." Luann took sip from her soda and picked up the magazine she'd bought before coming out to the pool. She flicked through a couple pages before another loud splash stopped her. She looked up to see Crystal surfacing in the pool, sitting on top Knute, beating on his head. "Bern, why are we sitting here?"

"We're resting from all the driving we've been doing?"

"But we mostly were just sitting in a car all that time. Why are we sitting now?"

Bernice shrugged. She was completely happy to spread out a little and enjoy the sun. The car, for her, was a little claustrophobic.

Luann got up. "Race you to the end of the pool," and dived in.

Bernice sighed and picked up her magazine.

][

The afternoon had gone well in Luann's opinion. Roughhousing with the others she had been able to splash Tiffany several times. The last time Tiffany had angrily stood up and screamed "If that's how you want it!" and dived in after Luann. They have wrestled and pulled hair in the water for a couple minutes before Knute and Crystal could pull them apart. Luann considered it a moral victory because in the last minute she had been able to pull off Tiffany's top. It would have been better if Tiff had panicked and made a comic effort to cover up her boobs but Tiffany just seemed in an "oopsie" mood about her naked breasts and took her time diving down to the bottom of the pool to recover it. As the sun was setting in the west Gunther called that the dogs were ready and they climbed out of the pool.

Despite having lunched just the day before in one of the top BBQ places in Kansas City, home of BBQ (or so the signs all said) the roasted hotdogs were as heavenly as any meal they'd had. Tiffany even said "thanks" when Luann pointed out some ketchup on her cheek. The boys had picked up some potato chips and pretzels in the store where they'd picked up the dogs and buns.

Gunther seemed to be hovering around Luann, dying to tell her something but too embarrassed to say it. After eating her third hotdog Tiffany made some comment about watching her figure and sashayed off to the girl's cabin. Knute's jaw hung open, staring until Crystal shoved it up with a snap of clicking teeth. Gunther slid into the spot Tiffany had just vacated next to Luann. "I thought I ought to let you know that Tiffany's been looking at my dress designs," he began. "She really likes them."

Luann was surprised that he could say all of that without sounding like he was gloating.

"We've talked about opening a boutique when we get back home to showcase my designs."

"Well, good. I hope it works out for you, Gunther. I really do." After a moment's reflection, Luann felt compelled to ask, "have you ... ever worked with Tiffany on a project before?"

"Why do you say that? What are you trying to say? Are you trying to break up our plans?" Gunther accused, suddenly sounding both hurt and disappointed.

"It's not that. I wish you the best, Gunther," Luann pleaded, "it just ... I've worked on school projects with her before. She has a habit of not pulling her weight, that's all. I thought you ought to know about that before you start making commitments. She'll just sit around and make you do all the work."

"That's not true. Tiffany would never do anything like that to me. You just don't want me to succeed."

"I do want you to succeed, Gunther," Luann persisted. "I'm just saying to be careful about what you get into. I don't want you to get hurt."

"Tiffany and I are going to be a big success, just you watch and see!" Gunther stormed off.

Luann turned to Crystal, "Could you talk some sense into him?"

"I'm not sticking my head in between you two. Anyway you're wrong about how much Tiffany does on a project. She does a lot."

"I'll talk to him later," Bernice said, mournfully, "not that I expect I'll have any effect. Some people just have to take their lumps before they know any better." The way she was slyly looking at her made Luann wonder if Bernice was including her in with Gunther on needing to take their lumps.

][

A sound like the closing of a door woke Luann later that night. She sat up in bed and looked around but with the curtains pulled there was little light in the cabin. Bernice was snoring softly beside her. Looking at the bed Tiffany and Crystal shared, it looked like both were there. Luann decided it was just noise from the people in the cabin next to theirs.

Once awake Luann found it hard to go back to sleep. She thought about Quill and what she'd say to him when they found him. Or if they found him. Now that they were in the middle of her quest it was beginning to dawn on her just hard it would be to find any one person in the whole country. Did she really want him back? Did she have or ever have feelings for him? She must have, to feel this angry about his weird, mysterious skipping out of town. At the same time when she tried to think back about their times together all she could recall was pleasant congeniality. Their mutual decision to be "just friends" had seemed easy at the time, a way to avoid the huffing and puffing of so many of their love-struck colleagues. But now that one last year of high school remained before her she was being to feel she'd missed out on something by not having that huffing and puffing.

She tossed and turned until Bernice snapped "stop it!" Luann tried laying perfectly still but that just make it seem worse. She rolled on her side, decided that wasn't helping and sat up on the side of the bed. The way her muscles were jumping maybe she needed a short walk. She stuck her feet in her flip-flops, made sure she had the cardpass for the door and slipped out of the room. Outside Luann suddenly realized that there was no where to walk. The street certainly wasn't safe enough. Well, there was always the pool. It was closed, of course, but how hard would it be to get in and she could flop on one of the lounge chairs until she felt more like sleeping.

She walked down the length of the cabins to the pool. The pool was surrounded by eight foot high chain-link fencing to prevent kids from sneaking in after hours - like what she was doing. There was a gate on the corner nearest the cabins that opened with cabin's cardpass. A multi-purpose shed next to the gate formed a tunnel, blocking off view of the pool. She was surprised to find the gate already open. It had been closed to within an inch of the lock so that from a distance it looked like it was still closed. Luann wasn't thinking what this might mean. She could have walked into any sort of situation but she had been riding with Gunther, Knute and the girls for so long that she had come to think they were the only people in the world. And they were all in bed.

She pushed on the gate and it swung against the back fence with a sharp _clang!_ Luann froze for a moment, afraid she had awoken someone in one of the other cabins, but when she saw no lights come on she proceeded down the tunnel to the pool. She thought she heard some kind of scurrying but assumed it was just a squirrel panicking.

"Gunther?"

Gunther was sitting at one of the patio tables under the rays from a large night-light, his ever-present sketch pad in his hand. He was turning the page to a blank sheet, and looked back at Luann with a guilty start as she called to him. "Hey," he said. Luann walked over and sat down in a chair next to him. "Can't sleep either?" she asked. Gunther shook his head and tried to hide his sketchbook.

The pool looked different at night, even thought nothing had changed. There was a mercury vapor lamp mounted on the utility building and another on a pole at the far end of the pool. They provided a shadowy green light to the area. With no one in the pool the place was profoundly quiet. Aside from small ripples running across the pool nothing was moving. Gunther was sitting facing the pool. There was a chaise lounge in front of it but Luann didn't think anything about it.

"Bernice kicked me out of bed," she explained. "I got to thinking about Quill tonight and whether I'm being an idiot to go chasing after him like that. My tossing and turning was keeping Bernice up so I came out here for a while. What about you, Knute's snoring keeping you up?"

"Oh - ah - um," Gunther began nervously. "Knute doesn't snore. But - But - ah, I felt like coming out tonight to work on my sketching." he started speaking faster as if he had decided what to say. "It's not easy to draw in the car. Too crowded, you know, and the roads tend to be bumpy when you least expect it."

"I guess," Luann agreed. "Have you been enjoying the trip?"

"I was," he said with emphasis.

"Oh, yeah. That." Luann fell silent. "Look I'm sorry, Gunther. I don't know why I said what I did. I never meant to hurt you or imply anything about you."

Gunther said nothing. To avoid talking to her he began sketching a corner of the pool.

"Hey, you're good," Luann said as she watched what at first seemed like random lines on the page evolve into a realistic portrait of the swimming pool. "I didn't know you drew anything because fashion dresses."

"Oh, I like to draw all sorts of things. I usually don't show them to people because they're not that good."

"How do you know they're not any good if you don't show them to other people. Come on, I'd like to see them."

"So you can make fun of them?"

"Why would you say that?" Luann wondered.

"Well, you made fun of my dress designs and Tiffany things they're really good."

"Look, I'm sorry I called them 'gay.' I don't know what I was thinking, but it's wrong to call anything or any body Gay just because you didn't like them."

"Next you're going to say some of your best friends are gay..." Gunther accused.

"I don't know anyone who's come out as Gay. I certainly never thought of you as Gay."

"Thank you."

"So what have you been drawing? Anything special? Need a model? She stretched back in the chair, placed an arm over her head and arched her neck. "I've got nothing better to do since I can't sleep."

For some reason Gunther choked on that, even though he wasn't drinking.

"Oh, come on. We've know each other for how long? And you've never asked to draw me?"

"I've drawn you." Gunther said huskily.

"I mean besides as a head on top a dress."

"I've drawn you without a dress."

"In the nude?"

Gunther nodded, too choked up to speak. Luann wasn't sure if she felt excited that Gunther had thought of her when drawing nudes or creeped out that he had visualized her naked body.

She held her pose as Gunther worked. Lines quickly became her face. A stroke delineated her nose, some smudging gave it body and depth. Luann was fascinated how he worked, and somewhat envious of how he could put down a line and make it mean something. Gunther worked in her shoulders and arms, drew a couple lines across her chest and by shading turned them into her breasts. If Luann noticed that he drew her breasts as twin mounds erupting from her chest she didn't say anything. If she noticed that he had drawn them with a little sag, like a ski slope coming to a point she she didn't say anything about that either. When Gunther crowned each mound with a thick jutting nipple...

"My breasts don't look like that," Luann objected.

Wordlessly Gunther pointed to her chest.

Luann looked down, and a second later crossed her arms over her breasts, hiding her rebellious, erect nipples.

"You're not going to leave them in, are you?" she asked. Gunther shrugged.

"I don't know," he said. "I kind of like how they look; makes you look all sexy. And anyway, even if I erased them, I'd know they were supposed to be there."

Gunther stopped drawing while he waited for Luann to resume her pose or stop modeling. She looked down at her traitorous nipples to see if they had deflated as she had willed them. God, it looked like they'd gotten larger and harder. She was acutely aware now that she was sitting next to Gunther in just a soft T-shirt and jogging shorts. The lack of panties and a bra made her feel more naked than she really was.

At the same time a thought was stirring that here was a chance to make it up to Gunther, to show him that he was a special friend by doing something special with him.

"Would it help if I took off my shirt?"

There was a splash in the water of the pool. Luann looked around but couldn't see anybody. She shrugged and turned back to Gunther.

"No, that's OK. You don't have to do that for me."

"I could take off all my clothes, lay on that lounge chair and you do draw me in full Titanic mode."

Gunther seemed to choke on that, then asked, "Didn't that guy drown in the end?"

"I've got a better idea. Let's go skinny-dipping!" Luann heard her mouth say almost before the idea was formed. She was about to say, 'sorry, that was a bad idea,' or something but realized that the words were already out there and it would be as embarrassing to take them back as it would be to strip in front of her friend. She whipped off her T-shirt before she lost her nerve and jumped up, pulling Gunther along with her.

"Come on, what are you waiting for?" She started working on the buttons of his shirt. Gunther always wore buttoned up shirts of a plaid pattern. Oddly bland for someone who wanted to be a fashion designer. She jerked the shirt out of his pants and pulled them down his shoulders, accidentally trapping his arms behind his back in the long sleeves of his shirt. And unexpected final button went flying. She knelt and was fumbling with his belt when ...

"Hey, the gate's already open. We won't have to climb over it after all."

Knute! Luann panicked, letting go of Gunther's pants as she sprang up and grabbed for her discarded top. Gunther's pants promptly fell to his feet revealing him to be a tighty, whitey man.

She was struck trying to pull her head through one of the armholes when a girl's voice said her name. She froze for a moment, then pulled the shirt back off, held it in front of her and saw Knute's companion.

Crystal.

Crystal was wearing the short, black neglectee she wore around in the motel rooms. In the half light it was hard to tell if she was wearing anything under it. Knute was wearing a pair of boxers and nothing else.

There was a moment that seemed to stretch on forever as the two girls stared at each other, a shared sense of embarrassment for being caught. It was broken finally by Knute heartily exclaiming "Gunther! You Dog!"

Gunther wasn't as excited about being caught with a half-naked girl. He was wrestling with his shirt sleeves, finally got one hand free and finished pulling the other hand out. He put on his shirt and started button it. In the half-light it was hard to tell what color his face was but he spared a venomous glare at Luann when he came to the spot where a button should have been on his shirt.

"Gunther and Luann!" Knute was saying. He rarely knew when to keep quiet. "Out for a little skinny-dipping. Just like Crystal and -" Crystal elbowed him in the kidneys. "What?" He objected.

"Nothing's happening." she told him.

"What? Why? They're going skinny-dipping, we were going skinny-dipping. The more the merrier."

"No! Two's company, four's an ..."

"An orgy?" Knute suggested.

"Go to hell," Crystal snapped. She turned and walked away.

Knute stood stunned for a moment, then ran after her. "Crystal! Babe! What did I say?" His pleading faded in the distance.

As silence descended over the swimming pool Luann considered whether to put her T-shirt back on or take her shorts off. She put her shirt on. Whatever frenzy had made her want to go skinny-dipping with Gunther was over. It just seemed awkward now. Gunther was pulling up his pants as well. "Did you want to finish your sketch?" Luann asked.

"No. I think I've had enough excitement for one night. I'm going to bed."

"Yeah. Me, too."

She waited for him to gather up his sketchpad and pencils and together they walked back to their cabins. "Poor Knute," she said as she opened the door to the girl's cabin. They could still hear them arguing in the distance.

"Poor? I'd love to be berated by a hot girl like Crystal." Gunther said wistfully.

"I'm sure there's a doiminatrix in your future." Luann leaned over and kissed Gunther on the cheek. " 'night."

][

Back at the pool the waters suddenly heaved up on a loud splash and a body grasped the edge of the pool. They spat out a plastic soda straw and lay there gasping for breath. "Ninja trick my ass! I don't know how they expect anyone to breath through a straw. God I thought Luann would never leave!"

Tiffany climbed to her feet and picked up the towel from under the chaise lounge and dried herself off. She pulled on the thin nightie and threw the strawless cup of soda into the trash. She looked around the table where Gunther had been sitting. "Damn! I've got to get the drawing from him before he accidentally shows it to Luann!"

With a grunt of thwarted plans, Tiffany made her way back to the cabin.

* * *

With the fifth chapter of this story I achieved something that has never happened before. I published a chapter that - to date - has not been viewed by anyone. Apparently this story is so awful that no one wants to read it. I probably should just abandon it in place and move on to things which people occasionally do read. But I've got one more chapter that's already drafted and the final chapter has been floating around in my mind so I might write that up as well.

This chapter is what happens when one reads too many manga about Japanese school life. People are already running into each other naked. There's a lot of grabbing of breasts (girl on girl, always to check on how large the other girl is) and stuff. In Japan it all happens at hot springs but since there aren't many of those over here I transferred it into a skinny-dipper party.


End file.
